This is how I woke up today

• My Dad: Hey what's up?
• Me: Nothing, Just waking up.
• My Dad: Yeah... How about that Batman movie? Pretty crazy, right?
• Me: Yeah, its pretty great.
• My Dad: Fuck, that Apple stock keeps dropping? What's with that?
• Me: I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with the quarterly results that were just announced.
• My Dad: Yeah... By the way, your mom is home from the hospital.
• Me: What? What the fuck are you talking about?
• My Dad: Good news! No cancer. Pretty kickass right?
• Me: What do you mean? There was a chance she had cancer? Why did I just find out about this now?
• My Dad: I knew you would act like this. SHE DOESN'T HAVE CANCER. Stop worrying.
• Me: Why didn't you tell me?
• My Dad: Because of the way you are acting now.