tomoatmeal:

I have a hip t-shirt on!  Oh no!  Mr. Boring Old Substitute Teacher knows about the M&M Boxing Match Fights!  I’ll bet you probably thought I was a new student because of this didn’t you?  Oh you didn’t really?  You.  What?  It’s rare that any student would have the type of severe eye discoloration that you can only imagine I obtained through years of hard drug use coupled with a blatant disregard for physical fitness?  Well well well!  I guess I’m so lucky to be in a room full of doctors!  I suppose you’re going to “diagnose” these open wounds on my arm as being from drug use too, aren’t you?  Oh, you’re not?  You actually know for a fact that they came from me trying to numb my emotional pain by putting my arm against the shop room belt sander when I thought you guys were at lunch?  Well then.  I guess just work on something from another class.